Recalculating...

Often my GPS and I don't agree on the route I should take to a given destination. Sometimes, the coordinates are off and it doesn't instruct me to turn until I've already passed the road I should take.  Other times, I simply don't like the route I see ahead and navigate on an alternate route.  Whatever the case, I often see the words RECALCULATING appear across my TomTom screen.

A few days ago, a friend tagged me in a Facebook post.  As I read the comments of others on the post, I saw one from someone I didn't recognize.  Attempting to establish a point of reference, I used the nifty little mutual friends button under her profile. I was stunned that even though we've never met personally, we share mutual friends from six different states.   Even more interesting, on my end, those friendships were formed during five different seasons of life.  As I thought about this real life illustration of the six degrees of separation theory, I couldn't help but think of my personal journey and all the twists and turns along the way.  I thought about what Kevin and I like to call "kingdom connections".  In other words, the relationships God has orchestrated through "intersections" on our journey.  Often, these relationships have been used in a way we could never plan on our own for Kingdom Purposes that are so much bigger than us.   Over and over, we have experienced the truth of Proverbs 16:9 

A person may plan his own journey, but the LORD directs his steps. (God's Word Translation)

Often, we've stood in awe and sometimes even giggled when, in hindsight, we see His plan come together in a way we never could've dreamed up on our own.  He truly does see the beginning and the end of the journey - and all of the rest stops in between.

During a recent school day, Jaedyn and I were studying Michelangelo and his work on the Sistine Chapel.  I smiled to myself as I discovered that Michelangelo, too, had a malfunctioning GPS.   His journey took a much different twist than he initially planned.   Interestingly enough, Michelangelo was a sculptor, not a painter.  He had no experience painting other than minimally dabbling in it in art school.  He had no skill at all in the medium that would be used to produce the beauty that is the Sistine Chapel.     
                                                                                                                   

While working on a sculpting project for the pope’s tomb, Pope Julius II requested that Michelangelo shift his focus and paint the grand Sistine Chapel.  He would not take no for an answer and he would not consider anyone else but Michelangelo to do the work.  Michelangelo preferred the commissioning of the tomb, a project that ended up taking 40 years to complete due to multiple interruptions.  To say Michelangelo was less than thrilled about painting doesn’t begin to describe his reluctance to take on the task of the chapel.  Finally, stepping way out of his comfort zone and his giftedness (or so he thought), Michelangelo agreed. He spent four grueling years on the project, working many hours with his arms over his head in a backbreaking position to produce a masterpiece.  Those four years produced such misery in him that he penned a poem to a friend detailing the torture that it produced in him daily. He ended with an affirmation that he shouldn’t have changed his day job: “I am not in the right place—I am not a painter.” 

500 years later, The Sistine Chapel is still the most visited room in the world.  It is still an amazing work of art that is visited by almost 5 million people annually. In addition to the chapel’s volume of visitors, the portion of the chapel’s artwork entitled “The Creation Of Adam” has become one of the world’s most recognizable and widely reproduced images. It depicts the hands of Adam and God reaching for each other.  It is seen on walls far beyond the borders of Rome.  In fact, the image hangs on my own bedroom wall.

Who would've ever thought that a sculptor-enticed-to-be-a-painter-against-his-will would, in misery, produce something so meaningful to generations of believers and non-believers?  How could Michelangelo have ever comprehended that a simple detour in his life would produce beauty that would have such a wide reaching impact? How could he have predicted that a season of such personal pain produced his life’s greatest work? 

I’m so glad I serve a gracious God who does not share my tunnel vision.  He always sees the big picture. There are no blind spots with Him.  He knows the best route, even when I stubbornly get off course. 

You may be walking through a season you don’t understand.  Things may not have turned out the way you expected.  Maybe you, like Michelangelo, feel like you’re in the wrong place or stuck in a job that is out of your skill set.  Perhaps life has dealt you a blow you weren’t expecting and it is difficult to see the horizon through the bends in the road and the fog in front of you. It is possible that you will not know for years how he is using mundane and painful circumstances in the darkest days of your life to produce fruit in a season yet to come.  Look for connection points along your journey.   You’ll be amazed to discover the intricate ways he steers and intersects your life to accomplish His purposes.  He delights in details.  Stay the course and don’t despise the route He sets before you.  It may not be the fastest route – sometimes it may seem you are taking the stairs rather than the elevator – but it will get you to your destination at the perfect time. Remember, sometimes the slower route is the most scenic. 

The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Ps 37:23 NLT

The Brickmaster

Whew!  It's hard to believe winter is actually over (especially with the extended cold and snow season).   Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years passed.  The pages turned on Valentines Day and St Patricks Day.  Even the Easter Season has come to a close.  And I have been missing in action from blog-land. In an effort to catch up, I am posting some articles that should have been posted a few months ago.  Please forgive the time lapse.  But...its a new season!  Here is the first, published in the Winter edition of the Victorious Woman newsletter I am honored to be a part of.

The Brickmaster

Unless the LORD builds the house,

those who build it labor in vain.

(Psalm 127:1)

Like many 9 year old boys, my son is a certified Lego fanatic. Grandiose fighter jets, intricate submarines, and transforming robots captivate his attention. He is meticulous about following the manual and assembling each tiny piece in the correct place, in the proper order, to make a masterpiece.  A few years ago, we had a Lego mishap in our home that rocked his world.  Friends visited while he wasn’t home and found their way to his room.  Before I realized what was happening, in mere minutes, his masterpieces had become true fighter jets.  As they crashed together, the pieces became a jumbled mess. Kevin and I spent hours sorting and separating the pieces, the best way we could, to begin the repair.  When we broke the news to Jaedyn, he was devastated.  He didn’t even want to look at his beloved Legos. For over a year, they remained in the bags we had sorted.  He refused to touch them.

Recently, we discussed redecorating his room.  With a vision in mind, he finally was coerced into opening a bag containing one of his ships.  It was painful to watch as he began the process of reconstruction, instruction manual in hand. Most things had to be torn apart to be put back together.  It was exciting to see his hard work pay off with the first finished project to display in his new room.

One day, he called me into his room. There was a brick missing.  He could not continue building without it.  I dug through bag upon bag, trying to find the elusive piece.  Several times, I thought I had the one.  Each time, he pronounced it the wrong color, shape, or size.  In frustration, I wondered why he couldn’t just substitute the piece I offered. But, even though it looked good to my eye, it didn’t do the job properly. It didn’t fit. Other pieces couldn’t build on it securely to make the envisioned piece if it didn’t have the attributes called for in the instruction manual.

Sometimes, I feel like one of those Lego ships.  Sometimes, I feel broken after a battle and feel like I’m in a bag fighting for air.  Other times, I try to order the pieces of my life without consulting the “instruction manual” God has given me for success. His Word holds the key to wholeness. Studying the manual is my only hope for finding the right pieces to fulfill the vision God sees for my life.

As women, our hearts are pulled in many directions.  Our minds run a thousand miles a minute with a never ending task list to be accomplished.  We wear many hats and fulfill many roles. We may feel as if there aren’t enough hours in the day, or enough love in our hearts, to accomplish our goals and succeed in the many facets of our lives. Out of frustration, it is easy to hastily build with pieces we think will do the trick.  However, when using counterfeits, we soon find ourselves out of balance and dysfunctional.  Like a car running on unbalanced tires, our life becomes a bumpy ride.

At the beginning of the year, it is customary to refocus and examine the things in our lives that need attention. We set goals, dream, and determine to “start fresh”.  It is a good time to return to our manual, the Word, to see what God is speaking about building us.  He desires that we live a life of wholeness and purpose that can only come from proper balance and the right pieces in the right place.  Don’t be dismayed, discouraged, or disillusioned if your current season doesn’t feel very purposeful.  Purpose defined by the world is counterfeit, like using the wrong Lego. Wiping snotty noses, sorting smelly socks, and teaching bedtime prayers are purpose in the life of a young mother.  Holding an aged hand, sitting quietly by a bedside, and listening to stories are purpose in the life of a caretaker. Whatever season you’re in, live it and build on it with the pieces the manual instructs.

We must remember that building a masterpiece is a process.  The stuff epitaphs are made of at the end of the journey is built upon colorful bricks from different life seasons.  The finished product may have been torn apart and rebuilt numerous times along the journey. It is tedious work, and sometimes trial and error.  That’s why it comes with a manual.

The manual helps us recognize the pieces we need and where to activate them in our lives. It helps us recognize counterfeits that well-meaning others suggest as a substitute for the real thing.  It teaches us about the fruit of the Spirit.  It shows us how to build a firm foundation for ourselves and our families. It teaches us about moderation, modesty, grace, forgiveness, marriage, parenting, evangelism, health, giving, and prioritizing. Within its pages there is a formula for success in every area of our lives.  It is steady and sure. Though seasons change, His instructions remain the same.

This year, I am making a concentrated effort to return to foundational truths, even if I need disassembled to be reconstructed the way He planned.  His masterpieces are complete and whole, lacking nothing.  There are no “misfits” with the Brickmaster!

Let's Have Tea

Yesterday afternoon, while Kadence was napping and Jaedyn went to the office with Daddy, I had a "mommy date".   It was a simple hour of heartfelt, comfortable conversation in my living room over a cup of peppermint patty tea with a friend.  Although short, it gave us time to just be women, sharing life challenges without being interrupted.  The hour was over far too quickly, but what a nice break in the day!  

After my friend left, my thoughts started to fill with the amazing tapestry God weaves through the many seasons of our lives.   In my mind, I journeyed back 13 years.  It was a warm day in May and I stood outside the home Kevin and I had built together.  On one side of me was the front door to the house that held a heartful of memories collected over 5 years, on the other side of me was the moving truck that was carrying all of our possessions into a new beginning. 

I was excited about embarking on a new adventure with this man I loved so much, but my heart was ripping in pieces at what I was leaving behind.  Three years prior, we had entered full time youth & music ministry.  We were young, without children, and ministry totally consumed our lives.  Our home was always open and became a haven for the students.  We finished our basement as an oversized teenage "playroom".  The rooms echoed with laughter.   It was LOUD. :)  We shared our lives.   Sometimes we shared tears as we tackled life's problems together.  We grew together through bible studies, afterglows, and discipleship classes within those walls.  Every one of them held my heart in their hands.   They were the only "kids" I had at the time and I loved them as if they were my own. 

I remember a conversation that nearly ripped my heart to shreds, overheard in the basement after we announced we were leaving.  Together, as they wrestled through the coming change, they questioned if there was a way they could pool their resources to buy the house...because it was THEIR house..and where would they go now?   Ugghh.  I felt like a mother giving her children up for adoption. And yet, I knew God had called and we must follow Him.  No matter how much we wanted to stay, it was time for change. 

There have been many changes on our journey since then. I'm really not a fan of change.  I still hate packing up my memories. I still feel conflicted when I see a moving truck outside the front door.   I still hate to say goodbye, no matter how exciting the adventure ahead.  These days, goodbye has a whole new set of complications since my children have a heart full of emotions all their own that I must help them navigate.  But yesterday, I was reminded that sometimes our journey comes full circle.  Often at the other end, there is a whole new set of blessings and a view we didn't have the last time around.  That view that is gained from life experiences, and may never be realized if we always stayed at one place and always gazed in the same direction.  Life is about growth.  Often, it takes change to facilitate that growth.  At least that's how it has played out on my own personal journey.

Yesterday, my "mommy" friend was one of those "kids" I viewed as my own.  In an unexpected twist that landed us just 60 miles from where we began full time ministry all those years ago, our journey to Cumberland has placed us living in the same town again.  Now a woman with children of her own, we are at parallel life seasons and relate to each other in a whole new way.  Now serving in ministry herself, we share a burden to give hope through Jesus to the same community through our individual churches.  In this new season of life, we share memories and  a common belief system that unites us, but our individual journeys have caused our friendship to be even richer this time around.   Our lives are busier, and we can't get together daily or even weekly, but when we do it is a heartwarming hour - an hour of escape that returns us to the simplicity of 13 years ago.  

This full circle journey has held many unexpected blessings.  That's just how God is.  He fills our life with little joys we could've never seen coming.  Sometimes, His plan is filled with irony.  You just can't plan or make this stuff up on your own.  Only He is wise enough to intersect our lives in such a beautiful way. I'm loving seeing His plan unveiled, day by day. 

If you were a Strong Tower girl (you know who you are),  my freezer is no longer filled with Schwann's delicacies waiting for your arrival.  My floors are now sometimes littered with toys and my attention is often drawn away by our two little mini-mes.  But you remain in my heart.  I would love to reconnect.  My tea leaf 
selection is amazing.  There is a cup with with your name on it.  And you are always welcome.  :)

Holding on, Letting go

This week, I've noticed that the days are growing cooler.  Facebook is filled with back to school pictures. Summer days are coming to an end. Fall is in the air.

I've been living in a state of denial.  We continued homeschooling in a few subjects throughout the summer on a minimal level, trying to regain some sense of normalcy after all the transition that took place in our lives this year.   For us, the coolness in the air doesn't make sense.  After all, our beach vacation is not for two more weeks! 

I've been looking ahead trying to determine what this year's school year will look like for us.   There are curriculum choices, organization, Co-op opportunities, extra curricular activities, and field trips to consider.  We have been homeschooling Jaedyn since Kindergarten, and every moment has been an adventure. He has thrived in the homeschool enviornment and would not trade it for the world.  Now entering 4th grade, he is content to stay by my side and feel secure and satisfied there.  He loves our daily interaction and learning schedule at home.  Although he has never had trouble making friends and functioning socially with any age group, he doesn't feel the need to be socially stimulated in a school environment.  Church, playdates, soccer team, and co-op opportunities have been enough for him.  In fact, at age three, he profoundly announced one day "I don't want to go to college".  When I asked why, he replied "because I never want to leave you guys!".   I hope that changes over time, and I believe that as I learn to give him wings, he will learn to fly.  But, for now, he is content. 

I firmly believe that the Lord has called me to homeschool for this season, maybe forever.  I'm still praying about that and taking it one year at a time.  However,  we have a second child. :)  A child whose personality is totally different than the firstborn, she is full of an adventure all her own.  When she is tired or scared or hungry, she runs to me with arms wide open.  Otherwise, she is content to explore the world on her own.  While Jaedyn needs someone to be his activity coordinator, Kadence will fill hours with independent play.  While he waits for me to take the lead, she paves a path all her own.  Jaedyn is most content at home, quietly functioning as a family.  Kadence is happiest surrounded by friends and family, in the middle of lots of people and chatter, in a busy social setting.  (Each child clearly takes after one of their parents, but I'll let you decide which one!)  

Kadence is 3, but already she has a deep desire to learn and is a sponge soaking up the enviornment around her.  This has been interesting to watch.  She is clearly enamored with all things pink and princess themed - some days she even refuses to get dressed if her clothes for the day are not pink.  However, having an older brother who is immersed in all things action themed, my little princess has developed quite a Star Wars and Lego Ninjago vocabulary.  Sometimes, it's funny.  Other times, I cringe.

In an effort to allow her to spend some more time in age appropriate activities and satisfy her incredible desire to learn, we have decided to venture into unchartered territory a bit this year.  We are blessed to have a preschool, daycare, and school at our church.  After much discussion and prayer, we have decided to enroll her in preschool for a few hours a week.  It will give her some freedom to learn in wonderful enviornment with the same values we would teach at home, while it gives Jaedyn some one on one time to focus without distractions.  I love her teacher and couldn't be more excited for her to pour into Kadence's life.  I love that, since Kadence won't attend every day of the week, she will support our learning at home by supplying us with supplemental materials.  The situation couldn't be more perfect.  So why do I have a tinge of sadness?

Last night I took her to Open House at the preschool.  She was able to spend time with her teacher, see her classroom, and learn about what to expect.  She was so excited.  I was excited watching her even as my heart filled with emotion.  She does not like to be referred to as a little girl anymore, and I was witnessing the transformation before my eyes.  

Little by little, as our children grow, they develop less of a need for our 24:7 attention and assistance.  I know this, because this is my second round.  Yet, this time is different, and I'm learning all over again.  (God help me when they become teenagers!)  Maybe it's my life season, and starting this parenthood thing late in the game that causes this to be so emotional for me.  Maybe it's watching all my friends that are of age equality :) sending their children off to high school, college, and even marriage that has made me want to hold on so tightly as time speeds up and slips away.  Maybe it is knowing that pregnancy, infants, and sleepless nights are a thing of the past in our house (not all of that is bad, by the way!).  Whatever it is, it has caused me to want to savor - and capture - every  precious moment, even as it is slipping through my fingers like sand.  

I don't want to fill my life with things that take up so much of my attention and energy that I lose sight of life's most precious blessings.  Even though things may seem to have value at the moment, my family is God's greatest gift.  I could have a lifetime of accomplishments, but it wouldn't matter if they kept me so caught up that I couldn't get down on my knees to look into the eyes of my child and give them my undivided attention.  So today, as I HOLD ON and LET GO,  I have the words of an old school song running through my head.  Funny, I remember my mom humming these words when I was a child. I'm pretty sure today that I know exactly how she was feeling as those lyrics went through her mind. :)

Hold tight to the sound of the music of living,
Happy songs from the laughter of children at play;
Hold my hand as we run through the sweet fragrant meadows,
Making memories of what was today.

Chorus: We have this moment to hold in our hands
and to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand;
Yesterday's gone and tomorrow may never come,
But we have this moment today.

Tiny voice that I hear is my little girl calling,
For Daddy to hear just what she has to say;
And my little son running there by the hillside,
May never be quite like today.

Tender words, gentle touch and a good cup of coffee,
And someone who loves me and wants me to stay;
Hold them near while they're here and don't wait for tomorrow,
To look back and wish for today.

Take the blue of the sky and the green of the forest,
And the gold and the brown of the freshly mown hay;
Add the pale shades of spring and the circus of autumn,
And weave you a lovely today.

-We Have This Moment (Bill & Gloria Gaither)

Drink from this Water

Summertime.  As the weather gets warmer, my thoughts are filled with one thing…water.  Water quenches my thirst on hot days.  The refreshment of a pool beckons me.  My dreams are filled with images of sinking my toes into warm sand in the salty sea air, while watching the kids build sandcastles that will soon be washed away by the tide.  Ahhh…cool, refreshing water.

A few weeks ago, the subject of water impacted our home in a different way.  Recently, a missionary visited Central to talk about digging wells.  She showed a moving video about the absence of clean drinking water and the need for wells in Africa.  She spoke in the main sanctuary after making a similar presentation in kids church.

Two days later, we were at home sitting at the dining table when Jaedyn, my 9 year old, disappeared abruptly.  A few minutes later, he bounded down the steps with a sealed envelope in his hand.  He plopped it on the table without a word.   When asked what it was, he shrugged and said “There are kids who need clean water to drink.  Their water is dirty and disgusting.   The lady asked us to pick an envelope, and I picked this one because I knew I had $2 in my bank I could give. “  His words pierced my heart.  It was a proud Mom moment - one that dreams are made of.  Without urging from us, he had made a decision on his own to give of his own money to meet a need. 

However, that’s not the end of the story.  The envelope laid on our table for a few days, waiting for Sunday.  Two days later, I noticed it was torn.  Fearing that he had changed his mind at the thought of his toy savings being depleted, I asked Jaedyn why it had been opened.  He casually replied  “I decided it wasn’t enough and I needed to put more money in”.  As he answered, I saw a crisp $5 bill peeking out of the envelope. 

I tried to keep the tears from coming at the realization of his selfless giving. I understood that something had captured his heart.  Whether it had to do with the visual of the dirty water, or with Jaedyn’s life experiences, I wasn’t sure.  All I knew was there was passion burning in him that caused him to empty himself..and his pockets.

During our tenure at the church where we served prior to Central, we experienced vast multicultural growth in our congregation.  There were many nationalities represented, one of those being a large number of Burundi families. They came to us from a refugee camp in Tanzania after being driven from Burundi, Africa due to political unrest.  Being a part of their lives taught us many things, and stretched us in many ways (one of which was learning worship songs in Swahili – just one of the four languages they spoke - in an effort to make worship relevant for them J).  We laughed, cried, played, prayed, and worshipped together.  Jaedyn simply saw them as his friends.  Regardless of skin color, language, customs, or background, we were family.

Perhaps it was those relationships that he identified with that caused his heart to be captured by the faces of the children in the video.  Whatever the reason, every time we passed the display in the foyer, he would stop for a second glance at the bottle of dirty water.   We attended District Council and saw a dramatized presentation during the evening service on the same subject matter.  During the presentation, he excitedly narrated the project for us, in spite of our efforts to quiet him.  Secretly, I had to smile. 

As a church we’ve been studying and talking about what it means to Act Normal over the past few months.  At the heart of this study is learning to let compassion for others become second nature.   In Matthew 25, Jesus talks about the sorting of the sheep and the goats.  Inviting the sheep to their eternal reward, He says: “I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, I was homeless and you gave me a room, I was shivering and you gave me clothes, I was sick and you stopped to visit, I was in prison and you came to me…Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me – you did it to me.” (v. 34-40 the Message)    

Jesus’ heart beats for the broken, the hungry, the forgotten.  He came to meet needs. And when He left, He commanded us to walk in His footsteps.  Those are big shoes to fill.  But the expectation is clear. To be like Jesus, we must love like Jesus.  We must serve like Jesus.  We must see the need – and meet the need.  Israel Houghton, in his song “Deeper”, says it this way:  “God give us a heart - give us YOUR heart...break my heart with the things that break Your heart.” 

Something about the object lesson my son unknowingly gave me has caused me to pray that prayer on a deeper level.  I want to be moved to compassion, and then action, with the things that break His heart.  A portion of the song “Hosanna” from Hillsong sums it up so beautifully.  Won’t you join me in making this your prayer today? 

“Open up my eyes to the things unseen - show me how to love like You have loved me.  Break my heart from what breaks Yours - Everything I am for Your kingdoms cause....”