Recently, I had a hair
disaster. You know, the kind
where you just squint your eyes, clench your teeth, square your shoulders and
wait for it to grow before you can even think about fixing it. Yes, it was uneven, but worse
than that it was SHORT.
On the morning after, I got out of the shower, dried my hair, and looked
in the mirror. Horrified by what I
saw, I realized (fighting back the tears) that it wasn’t just the bad haircut
that was getting under my skin.
I felt exposed.
It was at that moment that I
realized that months of hectic traveling schedules, drive thru windows, and a
newfound love of cupcake shops had caught up with me. I was staring at a face that I tried to hide, behind the one
thing that made me feel confident…hair. Now, with the hair gone (and an uneven, bad style to
boot), I could no longer hide, disguise, or justify my faults. It was time for a long hard look
in the mirror. And I didn’t like
what I saw.
You see, the reflection staring
back at me reminded me of one word…failure. Let me explain.
In 2005 the Lord stopped my course
and helped me make a U-turn that transformed me spiritually, physically, and
emotionally. He set me free from a
lifetime of yo-yo dieting and riding emotional roller coasters related to the
weight-loss saga. He took me on a
journey of health…and taught me that His yoke is easy and His burden is light
when I learn the beauty of discipline that comes from following Him in mind,
body, and soul. That is
another story for another time, but in short, I found myself 106 lbs lighter
and completely free. It was not a short term crash diet. With results that could still be seen
3, 4, and 5 years later, it was a lifetime transformation. Or so I thought.
Then came that morning in the
mirror. The nagging thought that
had been hounding me for months, as my exercise grew lighter and my clothes
grew tighter, was now reality. I
could no longer deny the heart-wrenching failure I felt inside. I had pushed aside the things I knew to
be true in a quest for survival during a season of upheaval and change. In trying to define a new normal
for my family, I had lost myself.
I had strayed far from the formula I had found to follow Him in
obedience. I had hidden my fears
and failures, covering them up with things that allowed me to justify them
away. My life had fallen out
of balance, and my exposed face carried the proof.
Suddenly, as I came to grips with
my hair drama and begin to face the truth, the Lord begin to whisper quietly to
me. I began to think about how, as
a woman, I hide behind other things in my life.
How many times have I hidden
behind my children, my husband, my roles and responsibilities, my fears? How often have I ignored the Holy
Spirit’s leading to explore a new avenue of service because I am convinced it
doesn’t fit my skill set or simply because it makes me uncomfortable? How often have I lost myself in the
name of taking care of my husband and children, convincing myself that my own
needs were unimportant in this season of life? How often have I not taken the time to reach out to someone
because I’m afraid of rejection?
How often have I not tried something new because I was sure it would lead
to failure? How often do I, in my
quest for perfection, refuse to tackle a task because I think its impossible to meet my own unrealistic
expectations? How often have
I not let my true self be exposed because I am afraid of judgment or disapproval
from others?
It was time for some serious
introspection. Like the pieces of
a puzzle coming together, I quickly realized that hiding can always be traced
back to fear.
Fear is crippling. It paralyzes. It places limits on us and causes us to plateau and give up
when we should be climbing to higher heights. It is one of the enemy’s greatest tools to defeat us and
prevent us from birthing the dreams God has placed inside of us.
I thought about the disciples in
John 6. The Bible tells us they
were sailing through rough waters and they were terrified. Then Jesus showed up in a
supernatural way, walking on the water, to calm their fears. After He reassured them that He was
there, He told them not to fear.
At that moment, they had a choice to make. Verse 21 says “Then they were willing to take him into the boat”. They had to be willing to invite him into their stormy,
windy mess. He didn’t force His
way in. The passage doesn’t
say that the sea automatically grew still, even though we know He had the power
to make it stop. What it does say
is this “and immediately the boat reached the shore where they were
heading”. When Jesus showed up and
they were willing to invite Him in, He immediately helped them chart the course
through their mess and they were
able to reach their destination without delay.
1 John 4 reassures us that God is
love. Love comes from
Him. He defines it. He lives it. He gives it.
And He calls us to love - Him, others, and ourselves - the way He
loves. Interestingly, verse 18
states “There is no fear in love.
But perfect love drives out fear”.
When we invite Jesus into our stormy mess to ride out the waves with us,
His love washes away all fear. In
His love, we find freedom and there’s no longer a reason to hide. When we take hold of His hand, we are
quickly able to safely and securely reach our destination.
As I’ve sailed through this year,
He’s been whispering to me about the depths of His grace. He doesn’t call me to be perfect. He just calls me to be the best me I can
be....without fear. And that
requires no more hiding. I’m running after Him with heart exposed and arms wide
open to embrace everything He has for me.
Now if I can just decide what to
do with this hair! J
No comments:
Post a Comment